It’s a moustache. I’ve decided to take part in Movember, an annual campaign to raise awareness of, and cash for, men’s cancers by growing a ‘tache. Regular readers of this blog will know that in May I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Actually I suspect regular readers of this blog would have known that even [...]
Category Archive for 'Cancer'
Pants and prostatectomies
Posted in Cancer on Oct 18th, 2011
They tell you a lot of stuff around a prostatectomy—before, during and after. Well not actually during, hopefully you’re fast asleep during, but definitely before and after. They talk about incontinence and impotence and pain management and deep vein thrombosis and catheter care and all sorts of other stuff. But nobody mentions pants*. Which is [...]
I’m about to crash. It’s been a long time coming. I’ve felt myself teetering on the edge for a while. Don’t try to rescue me. Don’t try to comfort me. Don’t try to make it all right. It isn’t. Don’t try to stop me crying. The tears need to come. Don’t be afraid of my [...]
Assume the worst
Posted in Cancer on Jun 2nd, 2011
I thought it would be a good idea to assume the worst. That way when I got my results if they were good I’d be delighted, over the moon. And if they were bad, I’d have made a start on coming to terms with where that left me. Facing death. I was wrong. The worst [...]
On not knowing what to say
Posted in Cancer on May 18th, 2011
It’s a phrase I’ve heard a lot in the last week. “I don’t know what to say”. Said with shock, with sadness, with terror, with honesty and sincerity, and so often with more than a hint of guilt. As if you feel you ought to have just the right words there ready and waiting; words [...]
It’s not the waiting…
Posted in Cancer on May 15th, 2011
…it’s the fear that gets you. I’ll own that. It’s the fear that gets me. I’m fucking terrified. Five days in and the numbness is wearing off. I cried about it for first time today. Away from distractions, things to keep my mind off it, in the still calmness of the bath. Why is it [...]
A new journey
Posted in Cancer on May 11th, 2011
Today is my first full day of knowing that I have cancer. The knowledge changes everything. And yet it changes nothing. I still woke up at the normal time this morning. I’m still about to go off to work. By the time I finish writing this I’ll have come home from work, probably eaten my [...]